Co-dependency; the inability to wholly and completely rely on yourself, to meet all of your fulfillment needs.
What it is not:
When you part from others (mate, friends, family), you don't find yourself worth, confidence and capabilities plummeting to the ground like a house of cards, questioning your existence on this earth. The difference here is that you WANT these people in your life. You don't NEED them in your life. That's not to say that you have no feelings and are detached from emotional relationships and cannot connect with a human being. It's the exact opposite of that. It's to say that your a fully functioning vessel that can hold your space, your self, your person in your own light, worth and love, knowing that you're a complete person per your own permission and unconditional love. You don't view your self worth based on the attention, gratification, and acceptance from others- reacting to how you're treated in life versus responding.
What it is:
Have you ever thought of why you don't like to be alone?
Why you keep yourself incessantly busy, warding off alone time like the plague?
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on all the shit - the social bits that fill up a typical day of yours: social interactions, phone conversations, events, KEEPING BUSY FOR BUSY SAKE- yet finding no real fulfillment as you rush from thing to thing...to thing. Maybe because you find your entire self crumpling the moment silence and being come to a cross roads. Uncomfortable feelings bubble up as you wait for that cute guy to text you back, and with each passing moment, your self esteem and mind fabricate a tale of why you suck at life, and NO he doesn't like you.
Because when you're alone in your own being, the walls feel a bit unstable, and the positivity gained through social interactions now drips from your brow, as a new found negativity begins spinning cobwebs in the casing of your mind. Twisting the lies and illusions from the mind with reality. The gut wrenching pain that snake bites your throat, your heart, leaving you confused and short of breath. This, is co-dependency.
Often times, this is an unconscious state of being, one that we don't even realize that we struggle with. It could be because we don't give ourselves the space or time to look at these things. We think that just because we are in a relationship- be it intimate, friends or otherwise- that automatically, we are given the golden token of placing every expectation and pressure onto this person, this relationship- a paradigm we are all duped into thinking is ok- is only a reflection of all the things we do not own up and give to OURSELVES.
Unfortunately, in today's society, we are raised in a way that keeps some part of us always attached, and dependent on someone/something- evident in a parent-child relationships as we age. Dad still paying your rent? Taking your car in for you? Grandma still giving you money for holidays? Ring any bells? We are just a bunch of little kids in big kid clothing, who play a really good game of 'keeping it real,' or so we think.
...until we are greeted by the silence and the inner fears, insecurities, and lack of our own unconditional love. What does this all mean? Are we screwed forever?
Don't fret. It's as simple, and as hard as becoming your own cheerleader. Filling your own tank. Knowing fully and competely who you are, your self worth and not allowing that to sway in the midst of others- reacting to life instead of responding. It's a hard process, one that takes compassion, time, love, and acceptance. But the pay off is immense. You will no longer search for your "missing pieces" in others, projecting your lack onto them, inevitably and subconsciously recreating the same lesson over and over again: find new person, search for your missing pieces within them, placing countless expectations on them, and when they cannot fill them or live up to the above- you damn their existence, and say ciao to the relationship- not realizing it's just your own lacking that is the problem.
We are the only things we can change and have control over. Therefore, the best advice in all regards, is always to look at YOU and change what needs to be changed. Becoming 100% self reliant, loving yourself unconditionally is the most gratifying place to arrive because you are finally whole. The relationships and experiences you will have with this world and the human beings in it will become real, palpable, present. All that will remain is love and complete acceptance.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Thursday, March 24, 2016
the lack of integration
Have you ever wondered why the same shit continues to bubble up, smacking you in the face-year after year. The tickle of the same old patterns tripping you up in exactly the same ways they always have and still you don't "understand why?" A lot of the time, these patterns are unconscious, and so, continually get swept under the veil of 'the-shit-we-don't-want-to-look-at-because-it's-uncomfortable.' Sound familiar?
We wear this veil thinking it will serve our greater good, sacred shitless of what would happen dare we take it off. Not for one second do we think about WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WOULD TAKE IT OFF! It's the same concept, just said under a different light and perspective. This slight-of-hand in the delivery of information to our own selves is where the magic happens; we get out of the way of ourselves.
We have been in the way of ourselves our entire lives. This stings. In a society where excuses and lack of personal responsibility are elusive, this is a HUGE TRIGGER to your shit. This is where I do not apologize. We give our power and control away in ways we don't even understand, but it is in the discomforts of seeing our shit arise, that we can deal with it, look at it, and INTEGRATE what it is that we are consciously/subconsciously rejecting from our authentic self. This integrative process is the pulling of the plug in the energies of our triggers. Once what is rejected from our authentic self is indeed interwoven into the trappings of our authenticity, we no longer will become provoked by triggers that are actually neutral and meaningless 'things' until our placed definition and meaning onto them calls these 'mattered things' into our mental focus. Just like inertia, our energy will continue to feed this 'mattered business,' a path known to us consciously or subconsciously.
This is why we keep things hidden-IT HURTS and takes accountability, and WORK to do something about our discomforts. If we allowed all of these hidden pieces, these unintegrated pieces of us to flow freely into the open gates of our consciousness, we would drown in their wake. We are essentially a bunch of adult children, trying to integrate what was cut off from our authenticity, per imprinting and felt-perception, at a young age. During the natural progression from baby to now-self, it all started with emotions, and ends in emotions. First, we learned to cry and express through emotions. The next phase ensue happened when we reached the milestone of seven years of age, it was time to grow up- cue the mental capacity development through education. The final phase hits at puberty. We are in the physical development of ourself. However, there is no interrogation of these stages. It's almost as though we stop one thing to carry onto the next thing, and once we hit adulthood, somewhere in there, we are like fish out of water in the understanding of our emotional selves- given up somewhere back there.
This veil is just that, a facade we have used to grow up to what is acceptable in our adult human suit, but underneath there is a land waiting to be explored. Only when we step outside of the veil that keeps our darkness safe from the light - hides ourselves from ourselves- keeps us stuck - continues the cycle of pain and unsurving paradigms alive - only then, are we able to begin the integration process into an emotionally complete, triggerless, integrated adult human, being, in this world.
We wear this veil thinking it will serve our greater good, sacred shitless of what would happen dare we take it off. Not for one second do we think about WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WOULD TAKE IT OFF! It's the same concept, just said under a different light and perspective. This slight-of-hand in the delivery of information to our own selves is where the magic happens; we get out of the way of ourselves.
We have been in the way of ourselves our entire lives. This stings. In a society where excuses and lack of personal responsibility are elusive, this is a HUGE TRIGGER to your shit. This is where I do not apologize. We give our power and control away in ways we don't even understand, but it is in the discomforts of seeing our shit arise, that we can deal with it, look at it, and INTEGRATE what it is that we are consciously/subconsciously rejecting from our authentic self. This integrative process is the pulling of the plug in the energies of our triggers. Once what is rejected from our authentic self is indeed interwoven into the trappings of our authenticity, we no longer will become provoked by triggers that are actually neutral and meaningless 'things' until our placed definition and meaning onto them calls these 'mattered things' into our mental focus. Just like inertia, our energy will continue to feed this 'mattered business,' a path known to us consciously or subconsciously.
This is why we keep things hidden-IT HURTS and takes accountability, and WORK to do something about our discomforts. If we allowed all of these hidden pieces, these unintegrated pieces of us to flow freely into the open gates of our consciousness, we would drown in their wake. We are essentially a bunch of adult children, trying to integrate what was cut off from our authenticity, per imprinting and felt-perception, at a young age. During the natural progression from baby to now-self, it all started with emotions, and ends in emotions. First, we learned to cry and express through emotions. The next phase ensue happened when we reached the milestone of seven years of age, it was time to grow up- cue the mental capacity development through education. The final phase hits at puberty. We are in the physical development of ourself. However, there is no interrogation of these stages. It's almost as though we stop one thing to carry onto the next thing, and once we hit adulthood, somewhere in there, we are like fish out of water in the understanding of our emotional selves- given up somewhere back there.
This veil is just that, a facade we have used to grow up to what is acceptable in our adult human suit, but underneath there is a land waiting to be explored. Only when we step outside of the veil that keeps our darkness safe from the light - hides ourselves from ourselves- keeps us stuck - continues the cycle of pain and unsurving paradigms alive - only then, are we able to begin the integration process into an emotionally complete, triggerless, integrated adult human, being, in this world.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Because I'm Finally Ready to Show Up Naked to the Party.
I'm curious.
What is it about saying our truth that scares the living shit out of us?
I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions and pair the general public with my own insecurities and fear of standing in my own power, from brain, to heart to communication of it all. As it always does, the perfect timing has shown up and painfully punched me in the face with all that no longer works for me- leaving me bloody, and bruised, confusedly gasping for air. Might I add, how all I thought was keeping me safe and protected from the big, bad world of feelings and vulnerability was frankly, the cause of my self-imposed suffering.
Is it the fear or rejection?
The fear of vulnerability?
The fear of what I've always wanted taking root and exploding my heart and soul into stardust?
Perhaps it's being too much or saying too much- letting all those weird ass things we know about ourselves- and don't accept- show up and be seen and- inevitably- judged?
For me, it's all of the above. Namely, I'm speaking to this topic in terms of myself in a relationship, as this is the only time when I'm confronted face-to-face as all my shit bubbles up, like the ugliest mermaid devil, as she lurks from deep in the sea of my soul,trying to take me captive as yet another victim in this world of victims and excuses. Why? Frankly, it's because we project outwardly onto one another, mirroring what it is we need to find/work on in our own selves. and it's hard to stomach and own that IT'S US AND NOT THEM.We can thank them for allowing them to show us what we reject in our own selves, and being that bigger than life mirror we smashed into a million pieces one day long ago when we found it. For everything we see in others, is simply a projection of what is going on, or what we are lacking in our own selves, hence our outward search party.
Over the years of hurt and pain, and shitty ass socialization from a young age- being taught to toughen up, to suck it up- as outward affection and vulnerability wasn't something that was seen as a high esteem in my family- I learned quickly how to build walls. Big, fat cement walls, guarding me like rivers to the castle of my soul that countless numbers of people have waited outside of, waiting for me to show up and let them in, yet I never had. Fast forward to my grown up life, and I've found it next to impossible, and scary as fuck to show outward affection, as I've clearly been successful at cutting off the flow of my feminine energy, and even the permission to grant myself to be that tender femininity that I so long for- because it is easier not to feel: good, bad, or indifferent as those feelings resonated with weakness and neediness in my mind. To make matters even worse, I haven't been able to see my own behaviors clearly until just recently when I woke up to this whole paradigm I've woven myself into and how, naturally, it's no longer working (but has it ever?).
As radically as I've become conscious to this new found awareness into the TRUTH of who I REALLY am (still learning, fucking hell, it never ends), an interesting parallel came into mind while running through the depths of the forest the other day, and strangely, I found clarity- punny, right? A longing to be in the ocean came forth, not an outlandish pulse to come over me, for it's a constant desire, so I chose to look at it with a microscope as big as my consciousness and bring what the truth forward of whatever that meant. What showed up is my age old connection to water, ironically,figuratively, the same connection I cut off with my own self from my femininity and being in general. The depth, the vastness, the changing currents, the feelings, the pain, the emptiness, the fulfillment, the permission to be, the struggles, the happiness, the fucking every thing that makes me me, yeah all that shit that's in the natural flow of life, I cut off. I finally could put my finger on the reasons the presence of the ocean can unravel me to tears, insecurities, and fears, a power not a single soul has over me. I woke up to the oceans tangible source of strength, power, mysteries, and vacant spaces before I came into this world heck, I dove into. And in the same way that I woke to the ocean, I woke to my soul and the clarity surrounding the shackles I placed on myself forbidding my self to feel life. I was running with that same agony to the ocean TO FEEL- to drown myself in all that made the ocean, the ocean, not seeing the ocean was inside of me.
And so this relationship-hide-myself-in-myself-facade-bullshit would repeat itself as follows: I would let someone into my life, letting them drink from my bright and shinning soul, then the wide-eyed moment would come where I subconsciously or consciously made the decision that I LIKED this person, and hell, the army of walls would set up shop, draping myself behind the prison of my soul, as if on point. Being was no longer in the drivers seat; it was all human. Human and thinking. As the mind is notorious for, I would let it suck me into the over-analyzation of everything, analyzing me right out of the relationship. Whaddya know? What I didn't understand was that I was projecting all my inner wounds and unhealed pains onto my partner and the relationship we had just began to create, digging a grave for the inevitable death of the ensuing relationship. Enmeshed with the past, the infant flame stoked, was suffocated into nonexistence almost as quickly as it came to life.
My curiosity finally came into play when, thank god, one not so hot moment in my life finally served as the catalyst to where I've now taken a high beam floodlight into what behaviors and actions I've been guilty of all along, AND NEVER ADDRESSED. Frankly, it scares the shit out of me to even be thinking I'll post this publicly, but in some riveting way, saying those words is like handing over bags of burdened energy, allowing them to soar freely on the wings of some magnificent bird, high into the skies of liberation. Is this that "shinning light on the dark parts of ourselves" that I read about far too often and never actually exercise, understood or internalized.......?? I think I'm on to something here....
I'm finally ready to show up naked to the party. I want all of me seen. If I'm going to get hurt, it may as well be because I showed up fully and completely, dripping, naked, RAW and scared shitless. I've realized I've always been waiting for permission in my life: permission to be me, permission to be weird, permission to be the girl with the crazy hair and the bright pants, permission to be soft and maybe not try so hard, permission to be good enough and fill up my own damn tank, permission to open up EVEN FURTHER when what I want most is to close and run away. Permission not to run away, from me, because I need me; more than anyone else needs me. Only now have I been able to touch that pain and realize I've projected never being enough onto others because I wasn't enough in my own eyes. No validation I sought out, love, acceptance, opportunity ORRRRRRRRRRRR, etc. could make me feel anymore fulfilled- I was looking in all the wrong places- because I didn't give myself permission to feel enough in my own self. I'm understanding what it means to breathe through the pain and the suffering which is ultimately an illusion and not real.
What is it about saying our truth that scares the living shit out of us?
I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions and pair the general public with my own insecurities and fear of standing in my own power, from brain, to heart to communication of it all. As it always does, the perfect timing has shown up and painfully punched me in the face with all that no longer works for me- leaving me bloody, and bruised, confusedly gasping for air. Might I add, how all I thought was keeping me safe and protected from the big, bad world of feelings and vulnerability was frankly, the cause of my self-imposed suffering.
Is it the fear or rejection?
The fear of vulnerability?
The fear of what I've always wanted taking root and exploding my heart and soul into stardust?
Perhaps it's being too much or saying too much- letting all those weird ass things we know about ourselves- and don't accept- show up and be seen and- inevitably- judged?
For me, it's all of the above. Namely, I'm speaking to this topic in terms of myself in a relationship, as this is the only time when I'm confronted face-to-face as all my shit bubbles up, like the ugliest mermaid devil, as she lurks from deep in the sea of my soul,trying to take me captive as yet another victim in this world of victims and excuses. Why? Frankly, it's because we project outwardly onto one another, mirroring what it is we need to find/work on in our own selves. and it's hard to stomach and own that IT'S US AND NOT THEM.We can thank them for allowing them to show us what we reject in our own selves, and being that bigger than life mirror we smashed into a million pieces one day long ago when we found it. For everything we see in others, is simply a projection of what is going on, or what we are lacking in our own selves, hence our outward search party.
Over the years of hurt and pain, and shitty ass socialization from a young age- being taught to toughen up, to suck it up- as outward affection and vulnerability wasn't something that was seen as a high esteem in my family- I learned quickly how to build walls. Big, fat cement walls, guarding me like rivers to the castle of my soul that countless numbers of people have waited outside of, waiting for me to show up and let them in, yet I never had. Fast forward to my grown up life, and I've found it next to impossible, and scary as fuck to show outward affection, as I've clearly been successful at cutting off the flow of my feminine energy, and even the permission to grant myself to be that tender femininity that I so long for- because it is easier not to feel: good, bad, or indifferent as those feelings resonated with weakness and neediness in my mind. To make matters even worse, I haven't been able to see my own behaviors clearly until just recently when I woke up to this whole paradigm I've woven myself into and how, naturally, it's no longer working (but has it ever?).
As radically as I've become conscious to this new found awareness into the TRUTH of who I REALLY am (still learning, fucking hell, it never ends), an interesting parallel came into mind while running through the depths of the forest the other day, and strangely, I found clarity- punny, right? A longing to be in the ocean came forth, not an outlandish pulse to come over me, for it's a constant desire, so I chose to look at it with a microscope as big as my consciousness and bring what the truth forward of whatever that meant. What showed up is my age old connection to water, ironically,figuratively, the same connection I cut off with my own self from my femininity and being in general. The depth, the vastness, the changing currents, the feelings, the pain, the emptiness, the fulfillment, the permission to be, the struggles, the happiness, the fucking every thing that makes me me, yeah all that shit that's in the natural flow of life, I cut off. I finally could put my finger on the reasons the presence of the ocean can unravel me to tears, insecurities, and fears, a power not a single soul has over me. I woke up to the oceans tangible source of strength, power, mysteries, and vacant spaces before I came into this world heck, I dove into. And in the same way that I woke to the ocean, I woke to my soul and the clarity surrounding the shackles I placed on myself forbidding my self to feel life. I was running with that same agony to the ocean TO FEEL- to drown myself in all that made the ocean, the ocean, not seeing the ocean was inside of me.
And so this relationship-hide-myself-in-myself-facade-bullshit would repeat itself as follows: I would let someone into my life, letting them drink from my bright and shinning soul, then the wide-eyed moment would come where I subconsciously or consciously made the decision that I LIKED this person, and hell, the army of walls would set up shop, draping myself behind the prison of my soul, as if on point. Being was no longer in the drivers seat; it was all human. Human and thinking. As the mind is notorious for, I would let it suck me into the over-analyzation of everything, analyzing me right out of the relationship. Whaddya know? What I didn't understand was that I was projecting all my inner wounds and unhealed pains onto my partner and the relationship we had just began to create, digging a grave for the inevitable death of the ensuing relationship. Enmeshed with the past, the infant flame stoked, was suffocated into nonexistence almost as quickly as it came to life.
My curiosity finally came into play when, thank god, one not so hot moment in my life finally served as the catalyst to where I've now taken a high beam floodlight into what behaviors and actions I've been guilty of all along, AND NEVER ADDRESSED. Frankly, it scares the shit out of me to even be thinking I'll post this publicly, but in some riveting way, saying those words is like handing over bags of burdened energy, allowing them to soar freely on the wings of some magnificent bird, high into the skies of liberation. Is this that "shinning light on the dark parts of ourselves" that I read about far too often and never actually exercise, understood or internalized.......?? I think I'm on to something here....
I'm finally ready to show up naked to the party. I want all of me seen. If I'm going to get hurt, it may as well be because I showed up fully and completely, dripping, naked, RAW and scared shitless. I've realized I've always been waiting for permission in my life: permission to be me, permission to be weird, permission to be the girl with the crazy hair and the bright pants, permission to be soft and maybe not try so hard, permission to be good enough and fill up my own damn tank, permission to open up EVEN FURTHER when what I want most is to close and run away. Permission not to run away, from me, because I need me; more than anyone else needs me. Only now have I been able to touch that pain and realize I've projected never being enough onto others because I wasn't enough in my own eyes. No validation I sought out, love, acceptance, opportunity ORRRRRRRRRRRR, etc. could make me feel anymore fulfilled- I was looking in all the wrong places- because I didn't give myself permission to feel enough in my own self. I'm understanding what it means to breathe through the pain and the suffering which is ultimately an illusion and not real.
Monday, March 14, 2016
the darkness
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
the pain in hiding the rough edges
I've had some shitty awareness come about
over the last few weeks.
Seeing a paradigm I thought I had transcended,
time ago.
It's the fear of letting someone see the full me,
all the cracks,
the missing pieces,
the jagged edges, and
the deep, penetrating bits.
In the ordinary relationship,
it hides its borish head.
But the time comes when
deeper intimacy is in tow,
and up the walls come.
The real me hides behind the safe topics,
the shallow bubbles, showing truth if
ears piqued hard enough. Miss a beat,
and you see nothing more than surface.
This has only come into bird's eye view
as yet again, another relationship was
trying to take root smacked me in the face
with " I don't see a future in this."
My usual response was to look at all the
things I fucked up on. Today, it's different.
It's all of the things I didn't let come out,
the person I didn't let shine after the
flood gates were opened.
And now I see it clearly. Even meditation
brought it into the foreground in the last weeks,
where I was closing up, what I wanted to change,
and being too scared and thinking too hard in what
direction, what magic way to change it. Instead of
just doing it.
I've always thought there had to be some huge earth quake
as the relationship rumbles into something deeper,
an understanding and a communication that only those
two souls comprehend. And yet, I'm seeing that is
not the case at all. I was waiting for a lightbulb to
turn on, that was already on. I was waiting for signs
to show, that were already there. I was looking for
validation when validation was already there, in self.
I was projecting all of the things I did not want, with
acute awareness of trying to do exactly not that. Now,
seeing clearly, perched from up here, I see that what is
hopefully still in front of me, is still in front of me.
That everything that I want, is not only inside me,
but in the man that finally has put an end to this
paradigm by helping me to shine light upon it.
This doesn't mean it hurts any less. The realization
that I always realize things too late. Or that, he was
just simply waiting for me to show up. All of me.
The me that captivated him in the beginning. That me.
The weird one who began to take things too sensitively
and thought it was best to start locking those misfit
pieces away. He was waiting for that to show up.
I could see the shift. I felt it, in my soul, each little
gravitational pull away. And right in time as my own brain,
and soul processes what things I needed to work on in my
relationship with him. Coincidence? I hope so...
And so I see what I want, and where I went wrong.
Where the rough edges I was trying so hard to
suffocate needed light and space to breathe,
in the light and space we were creating together.
Each one of us, Whole as we are.
The projections, as I tried to make too much sense
of unimportant happenings were the same
projections where I found the clarity of what
was.
over the last few weeks.
Seeing a paradigm I thought I had transcended,
time ago.
It's the fear of letting someone see the full me,
all the cracks,
the missing pieces,
the jagged edges, and
the deep, penetrating bits.
In the ordinary relationship,
it hides its borish head.
But the time comes when
deeper intimacy is in tow,
and up the walls come.
The real me hides behind the safe topics,
the shallow bubbles, showing truth if
ears piqued hard enough. Miss a beat,
and you see nothing more than surface.
This has only come into bird's eye view
as yet again, another relationship was
trying to take root smacked me in the face
with " I don't see a future in this."
My usual response was to look at all the
things I fucked up on. Today, it's different.
It's all of the things I didn't let come out,
the person I didn't let shine after the
flood gates were opened.
And now I see it clearly. Even meditation
brought it into the foreground in the last weeks,
where I was closing up, what I wanted to change,
and being too scared and thinking too hard in what
direction, what magic way to change it. Instead of
just doing it.
I've always thought there had to be some huge earth quake
as the relationship rumbles into something deeper,
an understanding and a communication that only those
two souls comprehend. And yet, I'm seeing that is
not the case at all. I was waiting for a lightbulb to
turn on, that was already on. I was waiting for signs
to show, that were already there. I was looking for
validation when validation was already there, in self.
I was projecting all of the things I did not want, with
acute awareness of trying to do exactly not that. Now,
seeing clearly, perched from up here, I see that what is
hopefully still in front of me, is still in front of me.
That everything that I want, is not only inside me,
but in the man that finally has put an end to this
paradigm by helping me to shine light upon it.
This doesn't mean it hurts any less. The realization
that I always realize things too late. Or that, he was
just simply waiting for me to show up. All of me.
The me that captivated him in the beginning. That me.
The weird one who began to take things too sensitively
and thought it was best to start locking those misfit
pieces away. He was waiting for that to show up.
I could see the shift. I felt it, in my soul, each little
gravitational pull away. And right in time as my own brain,
and soul processes what things I needed to work on in my
relationship with him. Coincidence? I hope so...
And so I see what I want, and where I went wrong.
Where the rough edges I was trying so hard to
suffocate needed light and space to breathe,
in the light and space we were creating together.
Each one of us, Whole as we are.
The projections, as I tried to make too much sense
of unimportant happenings were the same
projections where I found the clarity of what
was.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
the travesty in our illusions
If we all saw each other as one, as ourselves, we wouldn't be so shocked when someone else has a good idea.
We would be so shocked when someone else understands something we don't.
We wouldn't be so shocked when someone who ranks lower than enlightens us to something we hadn't seen before.
We are all amazing. We are all capable of amazing things.
It's a travesty that we still build these walls, walls that separate I from you, I from nature, you from I.
And we continue to build those walls, day after day.
If we could only realize that all we need is to love ourselves, and be our main man, we wouldn't seek so hard in our outer environment for the sheer glance of recognition from another. The life force, the energy, the control, the spirit and love that we give away from our own selves when we lead our lives in this way only throws stones at our glass empire. We are left in the rubble, broken and stained, wondering what else we could have done, what else we could do for that half second of acknowledgement that will never serve as a solid infrastructure to our stained glass temple.
Dust yourself off.
Pick up the shattered pieces and allow the sunlight to blast the dark shadows of failure and hurt out of them, releasing them back into the swirling blue skies. Let them go home. Accept all that didn't serve you, and rewire those light energies into your soul as yet another splatter of your own blood, a long stream on a wave of a single inhalation. Take it all in. It's all you. You were meant to be the bearer of each and every stain that has been painted onto your glass. For if one panel was missing, there would be no temple, no empire, no you.
Embrace all that which is light, and spread that light into the darkness. Fear not love.
We would be so shocked when someone else understands something we don't.
We wouldn't be so shocked when someone who ranks lower than enlightens us to something we hadn't seen before.
We are all amazing. We are all capable of amazing things.
It's a travesty that we still build these walls, walls that separate I from you, I from nature, you from I.
And we continue to build those walls, day after day.
If we could only realize that all we need is to love ourselves, and be our main man, we wouldn't seek so hard in our outer environment for the sheer glance of recognition from another. The life force, the energy, the control, the spirit and love that we give away from our own selves when we lead our lives in this way only throws stones at our glass empire. We are left in the rubble, broken and stained, wondering what else we could have done, what else we could do for that half second of acknowledgement that will never serve as a solid infrastructure to our stained glass temple.
Dust yourself off.
Pick up the shattered pieces and allow the sunlight to blast the dark shadows of failure and hurt out of them, releasing them back into the swirling blue skies. Let them go home. Accept all that didn't serve you, and rewire those light energies into your soul as yet another splatter of your own blood, a long stream on a wave of a single inhalation. Take it all in. It's all you. You were meant to be the bearer of each and every stain that has been painted onto your glass. For if one panel was missing, there would be no temple, no empire, no you.
Embrace all that which is light, and spread that light into the darkness. Fear not love.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
bringing to light that which is in the dark
We put too much esteem in places and spaces that which we have limited or no understanding in regards to. Just because you are able to regurgitate an idea, a phrase, an overheard something from one arvo in a cafe, does not mean that you understand what you are saying.
This has been a humbling realization to me. I may "know" something for years, but then one day, an implosion of the mind and a fluttering epiphany leave me in a dusty cloud of "I get it."
So we cling on to the things, weaving them into our identity, fumbling over our words when what we are saying and what we are telling someone are two completely different things. Blind speech.
This is just one conversation out of the three some billion that happen a day. Put that all into one huge melting pot, and we've got ourselves in a kettle of 'what the fuck are we talking about' stew. And the people continue to eat it up, and regurgitate it on to the next soul.
Since what we are feeling, saying and thinking-let alone are we truly listening- all get immeshed into projections, throw at others, thrown at the world. Then the world becomes this big scary place that we need to hide from, because everyone has it out for us-no one can be trusted. Little do we realize that it is our own energies that have not been addressed. We haven't put our own own fuses so we pass it along like wild fire, as we seek to find shelter and safety in the hammock of loving arms of someone who completes us.
What would happen if we increased our self awareness?
What would happen if we realized that what we dislike in others are actually qualities we dislike in ourselves?
What would happen if we were to take all that resides in the dark within us and bring it to the light?
What would happen if we listened to what we were saying, if we were to pause and use our higher conscious to speak, instead of word vommiting for vommiting sake?
What if we were to lead with love, on to every human, flower, piece of paper we come into contact with in this world?
What if?
What's even better is we can. We just have to slow down and try.
This has been a humbling realization to me. I may "know" something for years, but then one day, an implosion of the mind and a fluttering epiphany leave me in a dusty cloud of "I get it."
So we cling on to the things, weaving them into our identity, fumbling over our words when what we are saying and what we are telling someone are two completely different things. Blind speech.
This is just one conversation out of the three some billion that happen a day. Put that all into one huge melting pot, and we've got ourselves in a kettle of 'what the fuck are we talking about' stew. And the people continue to eat it up, and regurgitate it on to the next soul.
Since what we are feeling, saying and thinking-let alone are we truly listening- all get immeshed into projections, throw at others, thrown at the world. Then the world becomes this big scary place that we need to hide from, because everyone has it out for us-no one can be trusted. Little do we realize that it is our own energies that have not been addressed. We haven't put our own own fuses so we pass it along like wild fire, as we seek to find shelter and safety in the hammock of loving arms of someone who completes us.
What would happen if we increased our self awareness?
What would happen if we realized that what we dislike in others are actually qualities we dislike in ourselves?
What would happen if we were to take all that resides in the dark within us and bring it to the light?
What would happen if we listened to what we were saying, if we were to pause and use our higher conscious to speak, instead of word vommiting for vommiting sake?
What if we were to lead with love, on to every human, flower, piece of paper we come into contact with in this world?
What if?
What's even better is we can. We just have to slow down and try.
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