i like your brain

i love when unexpected meetings happen

when life throws you a curve ball

and you have to dig deep, with your strongest shovel 

into the stubborn roots of your soul

to flip that frown upside down

and open your heart, warding off 

soldier after soldier that showed up

fully armed

i have never been more fluent 

in the dancing that unfolds in that space 

in the gap between connect and disconnect

this is not to say that it has become my first language

as it is far from that

and only when i can actually catch myself

flowing it it's dance

can i tell you what i've been told 

in the space that is created when humans 

come together in a space where

one like mind can become nsync with the other

through the electrical currents of brain waves, 

glittering lights, flashing up and down 

a mysterious corridor

where the words 'i like your brain' can be 

uttered into the grey area of a connection

where masks, and armor are truly a sell out

where the heart stamps itself on sleeves 

abiding in vulnerability

it's in this gap where the soul soars high

healing itself through understanding 

sans expections of any return on investment

where "i understand you" is enough 

to bring you to your knees

perhaps forever

it's in this space 

where i have learnt a new language

that i can truly say "i like your brain"

dare me to further say, 

we are riding one single wave

i believe.

i believe in crazy
i believe in doing everything which i'm told not

i believe in what doesn't make sense
i believe in the darkness that comes with the light

i believe in the rawness of feelings
i believe in telling all but listening to none

i believe in taking chances, risks, leaps
i believe in connection

i believe that we create our world, every thought, word, day
i believe that the only crazy is what is not done, for fear, or flight

i believe that in this one life, we shouldn't think about tomorrow
i believe in the mysterious trust in letting go to allow for the greater flow

i believe in today and that feeling that makes no sense
i believe that you should listen to your inner guidance, your wisdom

i believe in being crazy today, following feelings, darkness and flow
because if tomorrow never comes, then how else will i know?

this life.

When did I even have time to come back to you lately? To sit here and to think. To stare into your peaks and dips, and wait until the next rip tide flows over my skin?

No time.

I’ve found myself in the shackles of too much, more, seeking, wanting, pushing, and not honoring my own sacred temple. Not resting and enjoy all of the intuition and beauty that I have inside of me. I find that when I take the time to let it shine it GLOWS out of me, through every pour of my being.

The things that I seemingly find in the breaks of my being, hidden far away in the darkest corners only come when it is safe and quiet enough to become vulnerable.

What is this tug of war with joy, connection and slinkling away into the shadows? I’ve finally found the magnifying glass to assess these tendencies through. It’s as though I don’t want anyone too close to be able to feel joy. But is that real? There is the flip side of that that is allowing people to have all of my time, all of my quiet and all of my words. That’s not right either. Yes, when saying yes you will always have an enjoyable time if you change your attitude to say that ‘whatever my decision may be, I will be ok with the outcome.’ I am not trying to get anywhere, just enjoying the journey-to some degree of it.

Mines a struggle in the giving, patience, the waiting, the organizing, the planning, the vulnerability, the being scared to make a decision so I sit and I wait and then anxiety and feelings of emptiness, unfulfillment take decisions place. I have been here before, each and every one of these places has seen my face before. we have said hello and been courteous to one another even though the anger that is bubbling up inside of me could nix their existence. Why am I back? What things haven’t I sorted that need sorting?

All.

Being busy for busy sake, not finding my creative quiet time, always having to listen to the clock and be somewhere-for someone or something. never saying no. feeling bad when I do say no so I sit in angst until I finally tire and sleep takes over my fragile body.

Do I run because I cannot deal with the pressures of being present, having to show up and connecting to the world around me? Is it all too much? I feel like I’m going to break, often, then my strength picks me back up. Can’t you just let me crumble like the last cookie in the sleeve? At least it would still taste sweet.

So I find you in the shadows, in the moments when nothing else seemed to work out, or did it? does joy make me feel out of control? Does it spin me in a way that only a child understands freedom, love, laughter, and lighteness? Does that scare me? Is it too hard to handle? Where do you compartmentalize something of such?

Press play and you’ll see the orchestra of life take their seats, the bells and whistles in line as the ducks are forced into a line because somebody somewhere heard that that’s how they like to be-have we ever asked them how they fancy arrangements?

Then you’ll grow old, teathered and grey, your skin soft, worn down from love and light dancing upon the ballroom of your cheeks and brow. You did it all right, the stories you tell, from tears to joy to a life lived full. When you tell me this, I see something else, there’s this sparkle, the twinkle, or is it a tear? As I see you scan back through tht efiles of your mind, what didn’t you do? What did you not say when you needed to say it most? If you would have stepped into your own path, what would the webs you weaved looked like?

I know you won’t say, these things that I see when I look into your eyes, as I drown on your river, that runs ever so deep. So hold back, just like you have, for the years have passed, you’ll say through tears. “I have to be thankful, for those that I had, I can’t ask for more, who do I expect I am?”

The things that I see, that not a one of them will say, hides deep in my soul, the cracks and the  folds, for it is only when I take the time to be with you, that it feels safe enough to peak out for one fresh gulp of salty filled ocean air.

perfect.

My life, a series of perfect steps...

M  I s c a        l c u   LaTe                         d.

Refabricated into tangled balls

Tossed.

Kicked.

Thrown.

From  your hands

to theirs.

S

a

i

l

i

n

g

through 

breath.

I n h a l e .

E x .

stay.

If I told you you could stay here, would you?

 Your face says something else.

Is it fear that grips at your heart,

As it beats faster and faster?

You’re a good mirror, you onto me,

One that I picked up, by chance,

This one sunny day.

The moments I seldom wrote,

Because you, you had me afloat.

On your waves, and in your curls,

An energy leaving me hungry,

I continued to want more. You were my drug,

Just one hit more, a mere sentence recited  ‘amore.

And just like drugs, our spark shone

Off, perhaps the fear of that one final draw.

One thing I’ve learned from you, my mirror,

Is we’ve all this secret,

A thing we keep so near. But given time,

 It’s bound to show up.

There is no secret, is the biggest secret of all.

Only a language, your tongue exchanges with mine.

Would you stay here, yourself, your soul

And speak the language into the mirror,

The one I picked up so long ago?

this small world.

Here is an article I just published for Kuli Kuli https://www.kulikulifoods.com/, a company committed to the super food Moringa Oleifera. And frankly, some good tips and words that we all should take to heart! Have a look, take a bite :)

********

The goal of this life for all of us should be to shorten the bridge, the gap, of cultural understanding, nutrition, and healing throughout the world, and in our own bodies. We are all in this together. The more we know, the more power we have to spread the word with our voice. Mother nature was smart in that regard, she set us up perfectly in the confines of this world to have exactly what we need, t h a t 

i s , if we are quiet enough to listen, and smart enough to look.

We’ve heard it before “food is medicine,” “you are what you eat,” “garbage in is garbage out,” no? These are not just cheeky tag lines. They’re truths. How do I know? Because I’ve tried, listened, observed, and learned. Trial and error. My own diseases. Dis-ease is what happens when we go against what our bodies are telling us, in a body-mind-soul-food, kinda way.  So frankly, by ignoring all signs the body is sending us. 

Dis-ease is a cry for help, a wake up call that you were too out of tune to hear before. It’s the same concept when your body sends you hunger signals. That sensation for nourishment that is so intense it wipes clean the slate of anything else you had on your radar, leaving you solely focused on where your next food source will come from. At this point, believe it or not, it’s already too late. You’re body really, really needs to be fed now. This is the language that our body uses to talk with us; signs through pain and disease. Diseases if we weren’t wise enough to listen sooner, or weren’t sure how to, and pain as a surefire way to raise some red flags.

As you’re beginning to see, most of us don’t understand our foundation, our body. Nor do we “speak” the language it uses to draw or demand attention to itself. Would you believe me if I told you that you actually have the power to give your body exactly what it needs and it’s as simple as a CHOICE? All of the answers are available out there, but we need to start taking owness, responsibility for our own bodies, our own selves.

Today’s intricate and complexly knotted up version of health has so many different pieces that we cannot be expected to make sense of it by diving in with goggles on and sifter in hand. No sir. It’s a whole lot dirtier than this.  

So what we will do here in this series, is begin to peel back the onion, and work together to bridge the nutritional gap of this world and by simplifying what it means to be in this body, your body, so you can finally understand this vehicle that you have taken up residency in. Frankly, too much time has passed in the latter.

Happy exploring!

fail.

And then she said “but that’s what you’re good at; failing. You’ve been doing it your whole life. That’s the story that we all want to hear. The story about how you failed and then how you made it. We want to know that someone else out there has fallen, and fallen down hard, but they’re ok. They’ve made it. Maybe that’s just what your goal here is; you’ve been doing it all along but you’ve shoved it into your closet after writing about it.”

Liberation. 

I finally felt free. This whole time I thought I was too scared to follow through with dreams, my big, scary, ‘can’t fail at this’ dreams, but frankly, it looks like the very thing I was scared of doing-failing-is just what I have been doing all along. Hearing this freed my s o u l. It made me realize that hey, nothing is that serious, and that even the worst, scariest parts of falling down, I’ve picked myself up, dirty and wounded, but stronger, and jumped right back into life.

My perspective has forever been changed. My soul feels free, light. The responsibility of looming failure that has scared the shit out of me my entire life, well, that just doesn’t seem so scary anymore.

Go fail.

We all do.

And we all can get, back, up to do it all over again.

x