That one time I was supposed to be productive...oh wait...

You get old.

You start thinking too “inside the box. 

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Friends, family, your dog...they’ll all judge the shit out of everything you’re doing. You don’t come home ONE night and the first speculation is that you’re having a mid life crisis. So then the cycle begins. You tell yourself you should be more mature, more organized, and no, the dog cannot (unfortunately, damnit) cross his legs and hold his wee for the morning…or the next twelve days.

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The ideals of our squared society speak in high esteem of hitching up in a relationship after you’ve gotten that golden ticket of a job-but wait, you have a zillion and a half dollars to pay off your college debt, so therefore, you’re just acquiring a title of “massively in debt marketing person.” Good job.

Really. Great job...

Now you’ve got the relationship, the debt and the title. What’s next? Obviously you’re going to look for a place because you can sense a wedding proposal nearing (frankly, all your friends are doing it so DUH you’re next).  

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You find a place. 

Post to Facebook now you own some silly house and half of North America “likes” your status. You feel successful and a broad grin takes over your face. Somewhere in there you get proposed to. That shit is posted everywhere, so don't fret, the world knows what's up. Someone probably tape recorded it as they were trying to document their child taking their first steps, but don't worry, you didn't fuck it up. You're more important than a first step. Haha.

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So then you become boring and have to plan the shit out of everything. you. do. Get a notebook. Your typical "talkings" are centered around the price of toilet paper and buying a new couch that’s just a bit too big to fit into your main doorway. That conversation goes on for far fucking too long. Just get a different couch or smash your door down. Easy. 

Wait, is this turning into an article of how I will never grow up and become this human, a lame ass square, or is this about lack of spontaneity. Now I’ve even got myself confused! Oh man.

***Alert: I'm not being a dick or judgmental. Do not take this personally. If you are a square, I'm sorry. If you are living this life, congrats. I don't hate you.