self-awareness. how bout it.

I've been getting really annoyed at life lately, namely, in the observing other the general population's behaviors...

Everyone has always got something to say, whether that is their political views, religions vomiting, or regurgitation of pop culture (shoot me), that they don't even see how futile these breaths are, this WASTED energy.


I am getting angry just thinking about it.

And yet, things like "I want to change my life, I've gained weight, how do I get healthy," all the actually important shit, gets swept under the rug because maybe it's not too cool to talk about or perhaps it's too fucking difficult.

I've been finding myself checking out, and checking out hard. When I am in the midst of conversations like this is my present state of self, I'm either found walking out of these situations, or poutting myself into a deep, trance like meditation to preserve my precious mind (hence why I do not watch the news, horror films, television, and the like).

The amount of energy, and passion that is projected behind these talks, these 'views' that so fervently need to be shared, disgust me. how can we be so unaware?


 How can we honestly think that these are the things that should be highlighted in this beautiful life?

If only the general human populace had 1% of that passion and awareness as to what is going on in reality tv, sports, or other bull shit they like to quack about, into their OWN SELF AWARENESS, maybe this world wouldn't be such a fucked up place after all.

Maybe we would be more mindful in using one trilliongabillion pieces of paper in corporate America, wasting 75% of our meals when we dine out because we are on some stupid ass diet followed by "I'll take the cheesecake," in how we treated this thing that we call earth, oh wait, is that the medium that allows us to even be alive at all? Weird. I haven't thought about that in twenty years.

These topics and the lack of any awareness, whatsoever, disturb me to my current state of "checked out." As I observe these daily tendencies of most individuals, I am left, mouth agape, at the square thought process, tilling and toiling in the negative muck that, hold on to your bootstraps, is MADE UP BY US.

confidence through words

is it not enough to bring forth your own confidence in holding up a belief, thought or feeling of yours?


why is it that we need to bring in a coup of 'other supporters' to fluff what we are about to say so the other person becomes distracted in the deemed 'righteousness' of the credibility with which that person speaks with?


instead, why can't we just be vulnerable enough to throw it out there? no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel, how deeply it ruffles our feathers and how we are then left with no control over what the other person's response or reaction to what we are saying will be?


these things get easier the more you repeat them. and yes, bringing forth credible sources is fitting when you're trying to make a mark in writing a paper-when plagiarism comes into question-but the beauty of being human is that we can talk in first person. and that first person is you. it is your experience, it is your, perception of the world through your experience. believe it or not it is self absorbed- you know now other way.


therefore, let that vulnerability shine and let it be enough that YOU feel this way and want another person to know. don't come with loaded guns. that's exactly what we are trying to get away from here. get back to you. that's all you need. be confident enough in your own skin suit that you don't have to bring in the reinforcements to have your back.