a'changin

Shit's


a


changing




folks.

big shit.

the way I feel about air freshner(s), is the same way I feel about pharmaceuticals.




they're bull shit. a mask for what's in front of us, surrounding us, effecting us, vexing us.




why?




imagine you just took a big shit.




we've all been there and can relate.




you know it's gunna smell gnarly.




now, wouldn't you rather own the stank and rock it,




versus letting the smelly ass particles grip onto some man made other shitty smell(s) -smells promising to take you to far away fairy tale lands, laden with rolling hills of roses and fresh breezes-that will, inadvertently drown the surrounding air with shitty, carcus smelling flowers, lingering longer than if you'd actually let the shit storm pass by?




all we are doing here is spending money to mask a smell(s)  (see most scripts for medications-in this case, masking symptoms), in a shoddy, ineffective, rather disgusting guise.




air shouldn't smell. in the neutral sense of air.




if there is a smell in the air, it will be/should be, a natural by product of a catalyst- think: cooking,
painting, farting.




the medium is the air.




we are the shit storm.




so whatever we've created in the medium of this space-air-have a go at this:


expire the masks. don't mask the feels. embrace the shits. get uncomfortably comfortable in all the shitty symptoms.


and then,


let it pass.

until you have no words.

What’s left? No tickling words, a head space cleaned with the night crew, spotless in imperfection. Subdued and covered up, brushed under the rugs told to be ok now. Suck it up.

 

Dad’s arm, teaching small infant ‘neath first swim, holds billowing curls ‘neath gurgling waters, water leaking into mouths  panicked attempted to vacumm seal in the life lines of oxygen left. The seonds pass, gun shots to the mind, soul squirming, eyes twinkling with each bite of fractioned light, rewound in slow motions, trying gripping begging for it to end, twelve months passing, though not even four seconds a’met.

Then it stops. Mighty force dissipates, bobbing head gasping for air, crashing through waters walls. Stillness ensues. Things rearranged, hidden in the spaces. Slowly, steadily treading to shore, naked body trickling in substance not his.

 

And so, it all vanishes. So the story goes. You’ll meet this moment again. I assure you. And you’ll wipe your brow, mop your shivering body to a place of comfort and put on the suit that isn’t you.

It will repeat. Over and over. And over again.

Until you have no words. And you find your head ‘neath the water, grasping for air. Confused as an flightless balloon. The thoughts race, panic ensures, head submerged under the water, bashing brain back and forth between the mind’s house, and you’ll see a light, that thought will pull itself up out the well with stolen ropes. You’ll place it in your hand, seashell found on shore, gazing quizzically at the shape, the colors. Here comes the pang, discomfort, the fear snaps off your neck. Seashell assailed, catapulted back into the sea.

puzzle pieces

in some satirical distortion of prayer and pose, the daggered edge of a puzzle piece once seemingly so fitting.

nay and sans all tumbling space fillers, projectile vomit in the eyes of the knight. to listen, not leach in head bashing discourse, eyes twisted attempted escape in attic of head for to stay shall be death, committed in coffin yeth.

mind slaughtering goath, praise have you no ear? guts knotted, ropes anchoring ship, like body dried up, on shore shown woe a muck.

dripping, gasping for air, the thrashing combat caught from tide 'ver tide. in vertigo, life altering silence, truth slamming and bashing brain stems, African drums in tribal ceremony. Listen now will you? Ye pieces no longer afit. In-pose vacillation, walls caving in, reality shattered, deemed whiplashing halt in life.

gazing up in smothered perplexion, for idenity a'gone, this puzzle but a'new. invitations thrice met, cast afloat no remose, crept dissimulation with 'er a passing night. Turned on in ear, in heart, and soul, chocking in throat, no voice, sounding to demote. Strength shattered, stained glass, rainbows exploding like kites ajet n'air. What's to come, still unknown, puzzles chrysalis, rudimentary silhouettes, expressionism, dancing ballerinas with site of shore.

it's not...

it is not what you do
in the light
that counts




it's what you do
in the
dark


----------------------------------------------


no es lo que se hace
a la luz
la que cuenta




es lo que tu haces
en la oscuridad

just breathe.

Raw, naked and undone. The place comith in thirst for earthshattering breath, inhale through smoky purified fog, stillness held captive in angelic bliss. When all else stripped away, the fabrics worn, rejected by soul’s light, lay strewn, chair and floor about the four walls of protection surrounding the gentle majestic hid ‘neath.

Letting free the exhale of all which that no longer serves, the tiresome weight of all that is not hers, dancing along the vines of unseen air. Seven, six five, count down the seconds until all is vanished from her delicate skin, intricately woven into a perched beauty. Dull pangs of grief and sorrow in a low vibration, hitting hard in places hidden.  Strangers to her,  picked up from passersby’s along commutes, handed out freely, unknowing, overwhelmingly available, like wanderlust barnacles sucking in life dependent hold, feeding, freeloading on her body like baleen whale,  transit through the currents of everyday life, invited and often otherwise.

Ten thousand pounds, inhaled, fissures come to close, perched in the stillness of self and being. Exhale, in concentrated focus to release the pains and troubles of a universe. Exhale, nine, eight, dancing tingles tease of lightness hidden ‘aneath.

Mind swimming,  piqued understanding, pages flipping to next, love trickling, washing over like feathers fallen from birds a’soar in painted skies, freeing vexed brow and heavy heart. Corners of plump lips pulled upwards by twinkling, bright eyes, the soul inviting the outward self back home, back into the white billowing sheets, surrounded by soft, fierce love, her naked self lay exposed.

what you're actually saying.

"It's not that bad."


So it's bad.


"I'm not so bad."


You're doing badly.


"It is what is it."


Indifference.


Lack of pointed response.


"Let it go."


Scared to explore some uncharted and uncomfortable territory that has occurred.


"I was just wondering if..."


Just connoting to lack of confidence in propsed statement, lacking confidence, apologetic, seemingly a 'bother'....

stories told.

Wrapped up, snuggled safely in our “story”- this projection that is thrown out into the universe, used to identity ourselves in this vast and scary thing called life.  A story we’ve painted, colors chosen, outlined in familiar expressions; albatross. Hand crafted to fit some paradigm, paralleled within the confines of flashing scenes in waking hours.

Lost. In this story.  Au courant. An insipid cocktail, vehemently caressing our soft palate. Trite.  Rinse, wash, repeat. Humdrum, singing passé melodies, quicksand to our growth; divine sprouting mucked.

Prisoners blanketed in unfolding scenes carefully woven in guile and pointed outlines. Alcatraz. Seduction like saccharine, rose pedals sprinkled twinkling lights effervescently agape to paths ahead.

Characters passing through malleable in shape and form, flitting across turning pages, chapter by chapter,  flowing in and out where seemingly fit, ocean tides changing like seasons, igniting changes red crimson on crisp autumn leaves, tweaking pigments, altering our expressions.

Bathed and dripping in obedience, bleak, jaded, sacrificing unbeknownst to self, possibilities limited, stomped out like coals once ablaze with life effervescent. Lost, in such a reality, staunch in perceived gaze, arm’s length in compass diameter; confined. Foot binding life into three inches-two-one.

We get so wrapped up in that reality, that we forget to look up. To balance, realign and allow the sky in its limitless expansion to humble us, right back down to our toes, tucked into our shoes, body’s infrastructure meeting earth’s. This enables us to see a bigger picture than our limited vision that is self focused. Blue skies, twinkling rays of sun, birds flying. Inhale. Expanding in colors, yellow, and red, smiling green, twinkling purple. Expressions exhale, casting a smile upwards, freeing to what all is.