advice about advice

At what point do we draw a line in giving advice as well as taking advice?
At what point do we recognize that it is just our ego speaking and that we are trying to "control" in some outlandish way either the situation or the event even though it is not our situation, our path or experience to control?

At what point do we recognize the other's need to just speak. To be heard. To air their shit out. What will it take for us to see that that's simply all they need? To not have to 'be right' or to cling on so tightly to 'how the situation once was or looked.' The need to judge something so fiercely, where does that stem from? And what purpose does that serve us when trying to help someone?

Yes, we have all been there before, waiting to tell the person the right way to do things, because, "we know." I had the most humbling experience about a week ago when talking to a good friend. We were speaking to relationships and simply catching one another up on our lives. When it came to the point for him to dish out some gold plated advice, he did not. Instead, his response shocked me. He said "I do not feel comfortable telling you what you should and shouldn't do, laying down some advice when I don't know anything about your situation or the dynamic there within. All I can say is continue being supportive and loving." That, threw me through a loop. It really made me question why we don't all approach situations in the same regard.

I've been taking a bird's eye view of how I go about speaking to people in this same light. Where I either push my advice upon the other, or where my judgements come out to bite. It's not a conscious or manipulative act, by which any of us are functioning from. It's simply an innocent 'we know no other way to go about it,' taking place.  This is how we have been raised. Someone tells us something and we respond with how we would maneuver the situation or insert our own experience into and onto it almost in a 'choose this way or walk shamefully into a temple of flames and mosquitos,' not realizing for one moment we just did that. We want to be of service but the moment our way isn't chosen then out comes the ego to attack and fight for our rights. How does that even make sense? Riddle me this.

I have been spun upside down and around on this topic as of late, really paying attention to how people react in this realm. It's kinda creepy in a way. Ok, look at me, I'm being judgmental. Let's try again. It's alarming. Fuck it. It's weird. All that I'm bringing to the table is to shed some awareness onto the situation. One specific situation that I think most people can relate to is being clobbered in the face by vehement word vomit as to 'well, you said it was x way last week and now it changed. How dare you do that. How dare this happen. And you ask me for advice, and now you don't want to talk about it?' How do we take things so personally when it isn't about us at all. If someone wants to open up one day and then the next day, the realize how they can go about it alone (or at least wanting to try because they see how mucked up the waters can get when you ask a bazillion human beings for 'their advice) how are you going to be that much of an egotistical bastard to berate someone like that? Weren't they coming to you out of a place of vulnerability, seeking help and love, and then, ironically, you come back at them and use it all against them?

It just blows my mind in the ways that we are unconscious. Again, yes, it is innocent. I'm not here to sit on some God-like throne and threw spoiled grapes at your faces. Not even close to it. I'm here to grab you by the nape of the neck, as I do myself, a billion times a day, and show you a bigger picture, again, one that I force myself to see no matter how painful and no matter how much I just want to be a dick or be right, in that moment, or for that day. Yeah, it sucks. And some days I wish I could just be a scum of the Earth because shit, it's way fucking easier that way. Alas, I try to keep the feral that lies within from creepin up into my personal experience tied down, ball and chain style. Do I always win? Nope. It's a process. You just have to keep showing up and separate your ego from the game.

This is all I am saying. That just because we are asked doesn't mean we have to be attached to our response, or their outcome. Just because someone speaks up doesn't mean they want anything from us. We need to keep ourselves humble enough to listen and present enough to let our intuition feel out what it is what is needed in that moment. And if we are going to cling to 'said response' or 'said outcome' we need to see that we are doing a disservice to ourselves at the person at hand because we should be elated that things are changing for the better and aren't staying in a place of stagnancy. Everything is only temporary. We need to digest that and fully understand that. So when we do seek to give this advice, perhaps it will be obsolete within five minutes like every single iPhone ever created. We need to accept that. And we need to let it go.

We need to realize that we can rewrite our own learns, that, it doesn't have to be so black and white. That it can be grey and we can create that grey space for there to be nothingness inside of it. That it can just be the airing out of another's experience. That it can be grey in that advice offered may or may not be taken. That it may change in one hour, two days, and we need to be OK with that because it isn't our experience to control.

And so, the time needs to come when we need to draw a line for the sake of ourselves and the sake of others to see that, advice shouldn't be laden with self-righteous judgements, nor should it be taken personally. This place, where one comes to the aid of another, should be a place of safety, where vulnerability can come to play darts and see what sticks, what doesn't and perhaps, just shoot the shit out of the board. Because, just maybe that's all it needed.

Take a step back next time and listen. Be guided by your intuition and not your ego centric mind that wants to be in control and solve all of the things. Because guess what, we know nothing. Vwahlah.