co-dependency will kill you

Co-dependency; the inability to wholly and completely rely on yourself, to meet all of your fulfillment needs.

What it is not:

When you part from others (mate, friends, family), you don't find yourself worth, confidence and capabilities plummeting to the ground like a house of cards, questioning your existence on this earth. The difference here is that you WANT these people in your life. You don't NEED them in your life. That's not to say that you have no feelings and are detached from emotional relationships and cannot connect with a human being. It's the exact opposite of that. It's to say that your a fully functioning vessel that can hold your space, your self, your person in your own light, worth and love, knowing that you're a complete person per your own permission and unconditional love. You don't view your self worth based on the attention, gratification, and acceptance from others- reacting to how you're treated in life versus responding.

What it is:

 Have you ever thought of why you don't like to be alone?

Why you keep yourself incessantly busy, warding off alone time like the plague?

Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on all the shit - the social bits that fill up a typical day of yours: social interactions, phone conversations, events,  KEEPING BUSY FOR BUSY SAKE- yet finding no real fulfillment as you rush from thing to thing...to thing. Maybe because you find your entire self crumpling the moment silence and being come to a cross roads. Uncomfortable feelings bubble up as you wait for that cute guy to text you back, and with each passing moment, your self esteem and mind fabricate a tale of why you suck at life, and NO he doesn't like you.

Because when you're alone in your own being, the walls feel a bit unstable, and the positivity gained through social interactions now drips from your brow, as a new found negativity begins spinning cobwebs in the casing of your mind. Twisting the lies and illusions from the mind with reality. The gut wrenching pain that snake bites your throat, your heart, leaving you confused and short of breath. This, is co-dependency. 

Often times, this is an unconscious state of being, one that we don't even realize that we struggle with. It could be because we don't give ourselves the space or time to look at these things. We think that just because we are in a relationship- be it intimate, friends or otherwise- that automatically, we are given the golden token of placing every expectation and pressure onto this person, this relationship- a paradigm we are all duped into thinking is ok- is only a reflection of all the things we do not own up and give to OURSELVES.

Unfortunately, in today's society, we are raised in a way that keeps some part of us always attached, and dependent on someone/something- evident in a parent-child relationships as we age. Dad still paying your rent? Taking your car in for you? Grandma still giving you money for holidays? Ring any bells? We are just a bunch of little kids in big kid clothing, who play a really good game of 'keeping it real,' or so we think.

...until we are greeted by the silence and the inner fears, insecurities, and lack of our own unconditional love. What does this all mean? Are we screwed forever?

Don't fret. It's as simple, and as hard as becoming your own cheerleader. Filling your own tank. Knowing fully and competely who you are, your self worth and not allowing that to sway in the midst of others- reacting to life instead of responding. It's a hard process, one that takes compassion, time, love, and acceptance. But the pay off is immense. You will no longer search for your "missing pieces" in others, projecting your lack onto them, inevitably and subconsciously recreating the same lesson over and over again: find new person, search for your missing pieces within them, placing countless expectations on them, and when they cannot fill them or live up to the above- you damn their existence, and say ciao to the relationship- not realizing it's just your own lacking that is the problem.

We are the only things we can change and have control over. Therefore, the best advice in all regards, is always to look at YOU and change what needs to be changed. Becoming 100% self reliant, loving yourself unconditionally is the most gratifying place to arrive because you are finally whole. The relationships and experiences you will have with this world and the human beings in it will become real, palpable, present. All that will remain is love and complete acceptance.